In a Rut. Typing as I Think.

I don't know why, but I feel like I'm in a rut. 

In a rut of negativity,

of being consumed by how hard it is to be a mom to young children

(irrational, demanding children...see, there I go).

I'm stuck in "this is so hard" mode.

I am so blessed:

we have a healthy family,

no big financial stresses,

all of my needs met,

a happy marriage,

good kids,

a knowledge of God's existence,

etc., etc., etc.

Why is it hard to recognize the innumerable blessings and simply be grateful?

Grateful for living another day,

for time with my children,

for a loving husband,

for the sun that came out today,

for Hazel's long nap,

for getting something--even just one thing--done today.

I'm not saying I need to be unrealistically happy or not feel this way.

Rather, it bothers me that I feel consumed by negative thoughts.

And it hasn't been that long--I'm talking a few days.
Less than five days, anyways, judging by my last post.

Can I blame it on the winter season (even though I live in Texas and it was 70 degrees yesterday)?

Maybe it's a new phase of life and even though the adjustment to three kids went smoothly,

I now have a three-year-old and a crawling baby on my hands.

After all, life is a series of new phases, not always marked by a noticeable event.

How did every mother before me get through this?

Am I not applying the Savior's grace?

Is this just part of life and feeling a wide array of emotions?
Do I need a new birth control medicine? (kidding...kidding...at least this time)

Am I over-analyzing everything?

I do not naturally see the glass half full. Obviously.

Something I need to work on. Obviously.


**********

Moments.
Simple things.
Laugh with my kids.

Get out of my realm and look at the bigger picture.

Read this scripture every day:

"He shall feed his flock like a shepherd:

he shall gather the lambs with his arm, 

and carry them in his bosom, 

and shall gently lead those that are with young."

(Isaiah 40:11)

Listen to the Spirit.

Recognize God's hand in your life. 

Daily.

Be grateful.

Recognize the good, especially in your children.

And pray, pray, pray.
Keep going. Keep moving. Keep trying.

Cuddles, Jammies, and Ramblings

This morning the kids left for school. I was planning on exercising but couldn't resist doting on Hazel. She had a fever when she woke up this morning so she was cuddly and just last night I noted how the cuddles are becoming more rare. So I seized the opportunity and we laid on my bed and snuggled for two hours. She slept for awhile then I joined her. It was the perfect morning. I managed to get in the shower before picking up Maggie from school.

Maggie just started school in January. She is "scared" and "sad" about going to school and throws a fit about putting real clothes on, but she is always happy when I pick her up. She tells me, "I was sad at school. Then I happy at school." She proceeds to tell me about the snack she ate or the letter she learned. Today she started singing songs she's learning at school. We talk about her day while we drive over to Henry's preschool to pick him up.

Henry loves school and is making a lot of friends. It's fun to hear what he remembers learning, singing, and eating.

While I was cuddling with Hazel this morning, I read old posts on my blog from my early motherhood days when it was just me and baby Henry. I don't miss those days but I really enjoyed reading about our slow-paced life. Our days now have a little bit of structure but aren't completely dictated by school. It's a perfect balance and we are busy when we want to be and hang out in our jammies the rest of the time.

All I wanted to do today was hold my sick baby. While she napped I called my mom and sister, then I painted Maggie's fingernails and toenails. Henry was busy playing with a friend all afternoon. We love having friends over to babysit my kids for me play with. It was even warm enough for the kids to play in the backyard.

I am loving this life of mine. The busy days help me appreciate the lazy days and vice versa. We have a lot of freedom with our time and Dad's schedule is really good right now. (All seems right in the world when he's around more.) I will say the hours from four to eight PM are pretty ridiculous with a lot of whining and complaining, filled with, "I'm hungry!" and, "I don't like dinner!" (which led me to apologize to my mom for every time she placed a meal in front of me and I said the same thing) and singing Daniel the Tiger's song, "You gotta try new food cause it might taste good," and, "Let's see who can get their jammies on first," and, "Sit and listen to scriptures or go to bed--those are your choices..." and on and on. But amidst the chaos and battling there is a beautiful life of family and learning to love unconditionally and making mistakes and trying harder and being kind.

There is a life with joy. Yesterday Henry was ecstatic about surprising Dad with a letter in the mailbox. Dad came home as we were writing our letter. Henry whispered to me, "Don't show Dad," so we did a good job of hiding it behind my back. Wink, wink. Henry whispered, "Write 'Dear Daddy, I love Henry.'" After writing the note Dad watched as we put the letter in the mailbox. Henry came in and jumped up and down as he said to Dad, "Go look in the mailbox. There's a surprise for you!" They ran to get the letter together and Henry jumped up and down again as he explained he wrote a letter for Dad. His face was beaming with joy. I love moments like these. They are not every day moments, but it filled my heart watching Henry's excitement as he did something nice for his dad.

Tomorrow I'll try to wake up before the kids for a little bit of quiet time before we start our day. I'll do my home video workout while the kids talk to me, cheer me on, or tell me I'm not doing it right. We'll eat our breakfast and mosey around. Maggie and Henry will play in the basement playroom and I'll cuddle with Hazel or decide to shower. We'll play, take naps, and then I get to go on a date with Brendon. We'll come home, get the kids in bed and start all over the next day.

Merry Christmas

The month of December was a good one.

A stressful one for me, but a good one.

I found myself saying, "Three kids is manageable, but add something like Christmas and I feel overwhelmed."
(Add anything to daily life and it gets a little overwhelming...but that's a post for another day)

I kept stressing about trying to teach the kids good things and the true meaning behind Christmas
and I just kept telling myself to get through the season sanely.

Don't overdo it.

I don't think I was very successful at filling our lives with the best things,
but we did get in a lot of fun family activities.

And now we have something to do better next Christmas.

Lubbock Nativity

Our church hosts a big nativity where hundreds of nativities are on display.

There are traditional nativities, international nativities, and childrens' nativities.

The church becomes a new building and it's a big deal around here.

We went to that and had a good time while feeling the Spirit of Christmas.

Henry's Christmas Program

Henry participated in his school's Christmas program.

He was an angel and was a cute one at that.

He's been singing the songs at home and Maggie caught on to some of the songs.

Santa Clause

We waited in line 1.5 hours to see Santa.

It was basically a photo from Santa.

He wasn't very jovial, nor did he ask the kids what they wanted,
but I prepped them enough that Henry told him he wanted a headlight. 

Maggie almost didn't sit on his lap and I don't think she said a word to him,
but if she did, she asked for a baby Ariel.

We also did a couple Christmas activities and the kids were thrilled about seeing Santa.

Kids Gift Exchange

This year we went shopping with the kids to buy gifts for each other.

Brendon said Henry did a really good job at finding a lot of things for Maggie.

I was with Maggie, who didn't really take thought of Henry, but found things for herself.

Henry was really sweet when he opened Maggie's gift for him.

He gave her his Henry squeeze and said, "Thank you! I love it, Maggie!"

Maggie, on the other hand, thinks every gift she received was from Santa.

Christmas Lights

We drove to the lake to see Christmas lights.

Henry fell asleep on the drive over to our destination, but stayed awake once we got there.

The kids loved it and shouted, "Santa!!! A snowman! Reindeer!" with every statue/blow-up character.
(Photo from seeing Santa)

Drive-in Theatre

We visited the drive-in for the first time since moving to Lubbock.

A shame...we really should have done that more often.

We kept the back door open for the first movie (Annie) and snuggled close together to try to stay warm.

It was really picturesque, all of us snuggling.

It was true bonding time.

We even bought a funnel cake, Brendon's favorite.

For the second movie (Penguins from Madagascar), we closed the back and felt more squished, but warmer.
Henry wanted to go home because it was scary. 

Brendon wanted to go home because he was so uncomfortable.

But we stuck it out.

Christmas Eve Dinner

We got together with three other families for a Christmas Eve feast.

I have to have my turkey dinner.

I tried crescent rolls for the first time and they were amazing (if I do say so myself).
I felt so proud of myself--like I can finally say, "I can cook."

We played games and enjoyed each other's company and then it was off to bed.

Christmas

Hazel woke up at 5 AM and I wasn't able to go back to sleep.

Maggie woke up at 7 AM and came into our bed.

Henry was sleeping on our floor, so we turned on a light and Henry said, "I need more sleep!"

I asked him to see if Santa left any presents and he jumped up,
ran out of the room,
and was opening presents before we could all get out to the room.

Unlike last year, Henry was very happy with everything.

Maggie was, too.

We had a lot of fun watching the kids open their gifts and they played contently together the whole day.

Santa had a successful year at the Holmes' home.

Gingerbread Structures, Graham Cracker Style

For the last two years, we have been trying to get the kids into this
but this was the year of participation in not only eating, but also with building.

The boys made an amazing train.

The girls attempted at a castle. 

I wanted a castle and Maggie wanted a train, so she got a box to decorate.

Henry didn't want to eat the candy at first because it had frosting on it. 

He doesn't like trying new foods.

But after we convinced him of its' deliciousness, he ate and ate and ate.

Poor Maggie now thinks that Reeses Peanut Butter Cups give her a tummy ache
because she ate too much candy when we were making them.

(More for me!)

Bowling

We took the kids bowling on Brendon's last day off.

The kids lasted one game.
Henry got preoccupied with a toy he wanted.
Then Henry & Maggie found an arcade room, so Brendon & I played another game.

One of us would bowl while the other held Hazel and watched the toddlers.
He won the first game; I won the second.
(Trying to keep records with this blog, ya know)

These pictures were an attempt to keep the kids preoccupied in between their turn,
at Hazel's expense.
That face on the left is her Mom-save-me look.

Wow! We sure packed in a lot of fun things together!

It was great having Brendon home for a week all to ourselves 

(we didn't even have to share him with his study books).

November Happenings, Part Two

13.1 Miles
I forgot to mention in my last post that I ran a half marathon in November.
For the first time ever, I trained with friends (as much as Brendon's scheduled allowed me to).
I felt so happy in the month of October.
Running + being with amazing people and having good conversation = therapy!
The perfect way to start a day.

The marathon was so fun.
Well, the first few miles when we were together were fun.
Laughing, singing, talking...that was fun.
Then we all split up.
I did amazingly well for the first eleven miles.
I kept hearing my mile time and was so pleased with myself.
Then...the last mile killed me.
I just couldn't get my goal time of under two hours.
So the half marathons continue with the same goal time.
I finished at 2:03:46.
The race has so few competitors that I even got a medal!

Happy Thanksgiving

We went to Albuquerque this year to be with the Shirley family, Grandma Sheryl, Skyler, and Aunt Randi.

We are glad the Shirley's live so close to us now: a five hour drive feels like nothing.

The cousins played, 

we feasted, 

relaxed, 

went on a mini hike 

(per Henry's request who wants to walk up the mountains we drive any time we travel), 

went shopping,
enjoyed each other's company,

ate out for dinner, 

played games, 

and hung out.

It was the perfect Thanksgiving meal/break/holiday.