I have had a difficult time lately finding joy in my role as a mother and being a stay-at-home mom.
I have always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. Nothing else.
Ever since I can remember, I've dreamed of having a husband and raising children all day, every day.
But my dream isn't everything I thought it would be.
It's a tough job.
Mentally, physically, and emotionally taxing.
In all fairness, my mom said being a mom is hard.
"That's why I stopped at four," she says.
But I didn't understand.
Until now.
I have prayed to find joy in this noble calling.
And sometimes I feel it.
I feel joy; the feeling people often use to describe motherhood and parenting.
I feel elated to have children and to have the privilege of raising them.
Tonight I felt a moment of joy.
It came as I watched Henry and Maggie laugh as they chased each other around the room.
As my children and I watched home videos, I remembered why I love babies so much.
To me, babies are the essence of joy.
That's not to say babies are easy.
Neither are toddlers.
And I'm sure teenagers aren't free from pain and worry.
I'm finding wisdom in the saying:
Anything hard is worth doing.
Theodore Roosevelt said,
"Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty."
I think that's where my struggles lie in finding joy.
My dreams came true, but being a mom is much more challenging than anticipated.
And so I am extremely grateful for those moments when the love I have for my children
(because my love is always there)
converges with joy for motherhood.
When my head and heart unanimously rejoice in raising children, in being their mother, in having a family.
Maybe I don't feel joy as often as I should,
but in my heart of hearts I know there's nothing else I would rather be or do.
And so I will continue this path, difficult as it may be.
And I will continue to pray for strength, guidance, and endurance,
and for help to recognize moments of joy.
4 comments:
You have very eloquently put into words things that I have felt very strongly. I had no idea that I would struggle this much as a mother. I had no idea that I would have to try and create joy. I always thought children would bring the joy. It's what I was always taught. And while I know there are joyful moments of being a mother, I think that I will teach my daughters of the difficulties too, and not just the joys so that they are mentally prepared for what they jump into when they decide to have children. I don't think anyone told me how hard it would be. Or maybe I just didn't understand. So maybe it won't make a difference what I teach my daughters anyway.
Thanks, Steph, I needed to read this today. I always get such good advice from you. Speaking of, we need to have a playdate soon so that I can ask you about raising boys. I'm struggling a bit with discipline ideas.
Poo-my computer just closed out what I was writing, and I hate recreating the moment. So instead of my well chosen words from before you get stuck with my thumbs up of approval and agreement! : ) Love ya!
This is Sooo sweet!!
I was feeling this way about a month ago and being Super hard on myself. Not feeling good enough as a parent, and that I wasn't living up to "the standards" of motherhood. I was doing a Lot of praying and talking with other moms. And finally started feeling better. I know motherhood and parenting is always a roller coaster ride, but like you I'm realizing how difficult it is to raise children, and yet no one can ever tell you the Rewards of doing exactly what we are doing. It 's an Amazing calling for us as women to have this roll, but I am Soo grateful that I am not alone in this and have the help and advice from others, like you. Thanks for sharing and opening up. I will probably come refer back to this when times are hard and know I'm not alone. :) Love you girl!
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