I wish I could build my own neighborhood with all of our friends. I hate letting go of people. Thank goodness for blogs. But even then, I feel like I need to contact people the old fashioned way, too. I love to talk to old friends and simply catch up. Basically, I love my friends. And I love them all so much I wish we could all live by each other. Forever. And ever.
Since our move from Missouri, it has been another round of trying to make new friends. Putting myself out there...again. Being willing to make myself a little uncomfortable...again. Trying to make conversation and find common ground with people...again. I wish the process of friendship making happened a little more quickly. My rule of thumb in college was that it takes a semester to make good friends. And so, even now, I give myself four to six months. But it happened so quickly in Kirksville--making friends--that I forgot that it usually takes time.
Any who, here we are nearly eight months after our move. You know those friends we don't have that I mentioned in paragraph one? That would relate to my life in the present. Don't get me wrong, my family are considered my friends. And the friends we've made in the past that we get together with that I hate to ever, ever let go of are still around and we still get together (and I love it). But I feel this need to make friends with people in my ward. Hasn't really happened yet. I'm trying, really I am. But I don't have my "go to" friend. That isn't completely true. I just don't have a "go to" friend that lives within 100 feet of me. Okay, besides Brendon. And Henry. But Henry can't really talk, so he doesn't count. He sure is a good listener though (when he gets to multi-task and play with his toys). Sigh...
Maybe it isn't necessary to have that ward friend. Maybe I should be satisfied with surface-level relationships within the ward. Maybe I should try harder than I am. Maybe...just maybe...I should enjoy the opportunity to get to know more people. I think I need to get a little more used to this whole idea of making friends wherever we go because we're going to be moving who knows how many more times in our life. So here's to a renewed effort to making new friends and keeping the old.
15 comments:
I loved your post today. I completely understand your feelings. I worked until recently when we moved to Chile...and while I don't miss working...I do miss that element of friendship with my coworkers. We are only here for 3 months...but after two weeks of routine...I need a friend around here. I'm grateful for the time to reconnect with friends online...but it is just not the same. I admire you Stephenie! Cheers to finding a new friend!
You are so good! We have been here for 3 years and I feel like I have just started making those "go to" friends. and I so need it now.
GOod for you, for getting out and being patient with finding that friend!
Stephanie, I completely understand you and that is why I am slightly nervous to move away from Kville. I LOVE it here and it will be a bitter sweet for sure!!! Oh, and I have been meaning to ask you where you live and how you found your place? We have been searching a little. And just maybe...we will be in the same ward. :)
I feel the same way. I have been here for a year and half or so, and I am still learning to fit in. With the student families, that is. So, maybe I need to follow your example and try harder to put myself out there!
you are pretty. =)
I always think the same thing about building a neighborhood with all your friends. I think that some cities, wards and locations are easier and harder than others to make friends quickly. I hate that it takes time, but it does. After I got married, I thought that "relationship-building" could take a breather. I found my husband so I'm good, right? But I'm learning now that you can never stop building and growing relationships. (At least if you want to have a happy life.) So I too need to continue to go out of my comfort zone to make new friends. But hopefully I'll get better and better at it.
XOXO,
Catherine
I'm totally with you. Why does it have to be so hard to form deep friendships now? Gone are the days of knocking on and door in Roman Gardens and being able to have a 30 min laugh with pals. I often think back to those days when making friends seemed so, so easy. Maybe it's just because I had you positive go.get.em attitude to get us out the door.
yep me too...big big sigh...i have decided kirksville was an evil trick...we were so spoiled and now back real life...where making friends isn't as easy as helping move somebody in, or saying hi at a meeting, or playing volleyball, or going to church. i sure could use that go to friend:) wanna be my neighbor again? k cool!
it definitely is hard making friends. I even had a hard time here in kirksville. (shows you how REALLY bad I am) But since it is so hard for me I really do cherish the friendships I have and those are the ones I really hold onto because it was worth the work. Good luck at finding your new friends!!
I think having all the friends together is a brilliant idea. We just need to decide on a centralized location. It would need to have access to a wide variety of careers and industries. It would probably need to have good schools--both for kids and parents. It should probably have good access to several airports so that everyone's family can come visit. Preferably somewhere with a lot of parks so that those with kids won't get stuck in a concrete jungle. And, it can't be out in the middle of nowhere. Cultural diversity would be great to appease those that served foreign missions. But we need a place where they speak English for the rest of us. Oh, I know... London!
Okay, we're here. We'll be waiting...
(If not, perhaps we can compromise on San Jose.)
looks like a lot of people can relate (judging by the comments above). and i'm one of them ... especially since moving away from Kville!! It was easy to make friends there and everyone was so close, it was easy to hang out. I think having family here in Utah makes me put forth less effort in making new friends, if that makes sense.
I honestly was gonna text you today and say we should hang out sometime ... do lunch here and let the babies crawl around together or something? :)
So excited about living close to you again! We are looking at a place right off Center Street in Orem right now, so that is pretty close right? And I will also need a running buddy. I imagine you are still running!
Hang in there Steph! I love how honest this post was. You are the sort of person that needs more than "acquaintance friends" because you have deep thoughts and must have someone to share them with and discuss. So keep trying (and praying. One reason we elected to stay in Kirksville for rotations was so I would have friends while Joe left me for weeks at a time on his rotations. You were right when you said it makes a big difference to have friends 100ft. away from you. Keep pushing forward!! Find a running partner and you'll have a friend for life (so I've experienced).
wonderful post steph...i know exactly what you mean :) cami and i want to come visit sometime... our car is working again. yay! i'll give you a call
I've always wished for a good friend in my neighborhood, but I've never gotten that lucky. My best friends all live other places--some across town, some across country. Our neighborhood is fabulous, but I've never had a really close friend here, either. Sometimes I think about moving somewhere else and rolling the friendship dice... but I think it's probably me, not the neighborhood!
Anyway, if you ever need someone to talk to, I think you're fabulous and I may not live right next door, but... well, a house away ain't bad. ;-)
(Err, I'm assuming Stephanie wrote this, even though it says "posted by Brendon." Brendon's totally fine to come talk to me, too, but that would be a bit more awkward...)
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